I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
