I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
