Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
