We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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