dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
