Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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