in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
