yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
