I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
