I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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