Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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