her vagine was all disorganized.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Bring me that man meat
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
