I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
