She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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