She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I woke up under a house in Key West
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
