i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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