I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
