they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
