id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize