My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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