im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
