Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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