we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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