Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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