haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
