Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
