a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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