I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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