You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
