just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just made my gag reflex go away.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
