Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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