dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize