I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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