You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
