it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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