On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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