I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
