yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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