why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
stop calling my apartment porn island.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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