We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
