why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize