So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
