I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize