And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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