You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
No more Irish car bombs ever.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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