I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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