I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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