clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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