i just wanna soil my oats bro
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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