Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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