tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize