If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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