I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
