He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
