DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
