I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
