i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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