he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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