just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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