Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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