Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
