i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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