Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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