everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
