all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
