I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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