Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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