I accidentally burped into my bong.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
