I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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