I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
