I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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