matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
