pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
