You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
