right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
